Mood: Pissed, Depressed, shocked
Watching: Obama rigging-er-winning the Presidential Election
Working on: My frekin temper. (democrat boyfriend and his sadistic jeering are pissing me off even more than I should be)
Listening to: Naraku no Hana (Flower of Hell) from Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni
I sit on the recliner half stupefied as I watch the announcement on Fox News.
"After winning the swing state of Ohio, President Barrack Obama will win re-election, and continue to be the president for four more years." Megan Kelly said in her cheerful voice. Strange, it seems to me that her voice has a sadistic note to it. My father also announces that our state is going mostly democratic instead of the republican change we were praying for.
Several thoughts swirl through my head. "How stupid can these people be?! How stupid can our state be?! We've lived in hell with Obama for four years, and they want ANOTHER four years?! Are we idiots or something?!?!"
Of course, my boyfriend's nagging and arrogant jeers, plus the annoyance of the Skype message chirp aren't helping at all. My temper rises to a boil, and at another slap in the face from my boyfriend, I scream "SHUT UP!!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!!!" And slam my laptop closed. I can feel the hot stares of my parents generated by my outburst, and mortified, I run to the safety of my private sanctuary, otherwise known as my room. I lie down on my bed and scream into my pillow with frustration.
Some people might say "Calm down, it's just an election, quit your bitching, will you?!" but it's more than just an election to me. This means so much more, mainly on a religious level.
Perhaps you should allow me to explain. My family and I are evangelicals and we believe that if we are followers of Jesus Christ and have given our hearts to Him, we will be taken into heaven when he returns to bring the seven years of actual hell on earth called "The Tribulation". This mass exodus to heaven is called the "Rapture" or "Second Coming".
In the Bible, the book of Revelation makes several predictions about the signs of the Second Coming and Tribulation that have come true, such as the greatest allies of Israel (which I'm sad to say includes the US, sad because we are guilty of this) will turn its back on Israel, or basically throw Israel under the bus under the rule of President Obama, and great natural disasters hitting the richest of countries (Which again, I'm sad to say is the US with Hurricane Sandy).
My mother says that the worse this country gets, the closer we are to the Rapture. She's excited about it, and can hardly wait, and thinks that I should be excited too. It's not that I'm not excited to see my maker, because believe me, I am very excited. It's just that there's so much that I have yet to do, things that cannot be accomplished in heaven.
One of my greatest desires is to have kids. This cannot happen in heaven, because the church (those who got a ride on the Jesus Express to Heaven) will be married with Christ (and yes, in a literal sense) therefore making the marriage we all know and love today (and not same-sex marriage, I mean NORMAL marriage) unable to occur. No marriage, no kids. And either way, if you can never die in heaven, then what's the point of reproducing?
I've wanted to be a mother for so long, and have almost been to the point of being unable to wait for marriage. I've wanted to feel the joy of raising a child that I've had an active part in creating and nourishing. I want to have that motherly instinct and the bond with my child. If the End Times (or the beginning of the end) come before that happens, that hope is gone. It's getting to be so close that I may very well might not even be able to get married at all!
This election has marked the advancement of the end times, and it increases my fears about the future, and shatters some dreams I have, such as getting a job, having the perfect wedding, and of course having kids, all of which requires time to achieve. Sometimes, I wish that I was a bit older, a bit richer...then I could be married and ready for a child. But I now see that this will more than likely never happen...
You may say that this is completely insane of me to think, and that I'm nothing but a whiny bitch...maybe you think that this has nothing to do with anything, and that four more years won't change anything. But this is important to me, and no matter your religious view, this is what I believe, and this is how I see things as they stand. You just can't understand...no one can, really...
"...I want to escape,
I want to escape,
From my fate of eternal sorrow
Because I am not a flower of hell
Not here in this place
I will not bloom here
I will not bloom here
Not where they can trap
And destroy me...."
-Naraku No Hana